Actions Speak Louder Than Words I

I am not a psychologist but I realised just the other day that I have learned one or two things about guys through interacting with them as family, colleagues, dates, friends, lovers, etc. and actually have more than a thing to say about what a girl should watch out for in deciding to ‘be with someone’. You’ll notice that I used the phrase ‘be with someone’ rather than anything concrete like [in Naija lingo] going out with, marrying, or whatever. People want different things from the opposite sex (or same sex depending on which way you swing). The other day my friend and I had a conversation wondering about the essence of a relationship. Some people want a companion; others want a lover, a provider, arm candy, a father/mother figure, a teacher etc. To each his own.

If you are a woman whose interest in a man goes beyond Friday night dates or someone to go with to a friend’s wedding so you don’t come off as the perpetually-single liability who everyone has to worry about her getting home, my tip-offs may not matter. Or if it’s strictly for the sex, it’ll probably matter even less. However, if you want a mate, there are signs to watch out for.


So, ... he has passed a couple of the initial tests- his head is not of the shape and size that gives you horrors about vaginal delivery, or your future son's dating potential; and he can actually pull off a ten minute conversation with you without his eyes roaming around for the next nice looking babe. In your mind, you have already calculated when your period will be in June of the following year so that you can fix the wedding date. But ... that nagging feeling just won't go away.


There will oftentimes be a certain level of desperation that would make the following character flaws seem kind-of-livable-with, but do yourself a favour and think carefully. He might be telling you something with his actions that he cannot coin into words:

i) Is he in the habit of standing you up when you have made plans for a date?

This is my personal ‘run and don’t look back’ cue. There is nothing sadder than a girl going through the lengths girls go through to go out on a date with a guy, and the guy pulling a no-show (secured firmly by a no-call-to-explain). It is THE UNFORGIVABLE SIN in my opinion. He either doesn’t like you very much or doesn’t regard you very much, and trust me one is no good without the other. There will be the unavoidable cancellation, but the moment it starts to feel all wrong and your self-esteem starts to take a battering, let him go. LET HIM GO!

ii) Does he pay you compliments?

Ladies, there is a difference between a taciturn man and a stingy-with-compliments man. And it isn’t such a thin line. A man who really looks at you and breathes you in, will find one or two things he likes about you and will want you to know that he likes that thing about you (and vice versa of course). But when he cannot find a single complimentary thing to say about you, even if it is a slight exaggeration of how your stubby legs look in that oh-so-hot Little Black Dress (LBD), then maybe he just doesn’t find much good in you. Think about it.

iii) Does he call when he says he will?

People say that women are stimulated by words while men are stimulated by touch. It is true. When a woman hears, “I will call you when I get home later this evening”, everything in her is waiting for that call. If he were mind-full of you, he would call- even if only to say he is dead tired and would talk to you tomorrow when he feels more alive. You know what’s even worse … when he calls you the next day and doesn’t apologise for not calling when he said he would. It means that he probably didn’t remember to call you when he should have, and even now he has forgotten that he did not remember to call you. It means one thing only, he wasn't thinking about you; doesn’t think about you; you are not priority [sorry: that's three things already!].

To Be Continued …