This post has been a long time coming. I had written a first draft almost two years ago, but lost my train of thought somewhere along the way. It was titled 'single mothers' then. An email I received this morning brought it back and has made the writing easier.
I know a single mom, ... no, make that two of them, … pardon me, I've actually lost count!!! And anyone reading this most probably has a sister, cousin, neighbour, friend, friend of a friend who is in this unfortunate position. Being a single mom is not a crime even though it is as close as it gets in 2009 Nigeria. Would you believe it?!!! Our rigid adherence or obeisance to antiquated cultures and traditions is actually infringing on our compassion.
The question is this: should a mistake (as is the case when a pregnancy is unplanned) define and shape a girl’s life and that of her illegitimate child, for the rest of their natural lives? And this while her partner in crime (after all it takes two to tango) goes scot free? The punishment for single moms is myriad: diminished prospects of having a good marriage, financial difficulty in caring for herself and her child, loneliness, not to talk of the life long social stigma, etc.
I make bold to accuse our laws and lawmakers of complicity in this mess. Why on earth have our laws not been modified to accommodate single moms? There is nothing in any of our laws or procedures that compels a man to be responsible for his child born outside of wedlock. To make it worse, not even one of our female legislators has thought to sponsor a bill addressing this issue. When they are not busy sponsoring a nudity bill to regulate the length of female skirts and sleeves etc, they are probably busy being women i.e. casting aspersion on the single mom; so maybe it is asking too much to expect them to do anything about it.
You see in most cases, it is the woman who reviles against the single mom, and looks at her as somehow being a lesser human. It is the woman who would ask if her son is sure that the child his girlfriend of three years is carrying is his- "after all how are you so sure you are the only one she has been seeing"? It is the woman that will insist that her darling son cannot marry a woman who already has a child by another man - she would rather her prince charming marry a girl with less obvious failings.
It is not too late for our female legislators to get their act together and legislate a solution to his problem. While you cannot legislate and compel a man to marry the woman carrying his child, we can at least compel the man to be financially responsible for his child; after all he is the one that will adorn his flowing agbada and attend all the milestone events in the child’s life in the later years.
Which brings me to the email I received this morning: A former classmate of mine is researching a project on the feasibility of introducing a legislative bill on "responsible paternity" in her country. The bill would require men who do not voluntarily register themselves as fathers on their children's birth certificates to undergo a compulsory DNA test. If the result is positive they (i) must grant use of their surname, (ii) contribute to the cost of pregnancy and birth, and (iii) contribute to the livelihood of their child(ren). The purpose of the bill is to strengthen the protection of children and to encourage mothers and fathers to share in the upbringing of their children.
Apparently, such a law already exists in Costa Rica. And Nigeria needs it sooo badly. Somebody ..., anybody..., do something!!!
Perhaps the next time a female legislator is in search of a cause to make her own, she might divert her mind to this. If not for the single mom who after all deserves every horrible thing that can happen to her for her brazenness, stupidity, immorality…., do it for the child who had no hand in the circumstances of its birth.
