Getting A Grip

I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain

If I wait for cloudy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you so
Though the heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain

Raindrops falling from heaven
Will never wash away my misery
But since we're not together
I'll wait for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain

This song was something of an anthem in secondary school, and I discovered later that it is actually a real song done originally by the Everly Brothers, and sampled by a number of other people since then. Then, the extent of heartache we could have felt was when your 'a-lo-ve' (a fellow girl by the way) stopped loving you [my goodness! it sounds soooo funny now, but I guess it was serious business then). Little did we know that real heartbreak was waiting down the years.

I find I much prefer this song to others of its kind which are admittedly quite more angry and certainly less restrained. This song leaves you some dignity and reminds you that the crying will be done some day.

I'll leave you with the other kind of heartbreak song, just in case it's more your speed:

Till you do me right
I don't even want to talk to you
I don't even want to hear you speak my name
Till you do me right
Only wrong is gonna come to you
Nothing good is gonna come till you change
Change your ways
Until you change your evil ways

Quote of Last Week

I am still Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Head Off.

So, apparently there was this magistrate in one magistrate court like that in Lagos that got into an altercation with ...wait for it... police officers. Anyway, it so happened that the magistrate had granted bail to some accused persons, which the police challenged on the basis that "the matter is serious" (and this here provided my first Laugh Out Loud moment). The bail of course was upheld probably because (and this is more than a suspicion) bail applications are generally not denied because "the matter is serious". The police officers however were not having any of it, and immediately the matter was dismissed, they went out and re-arrested the accused persons.

To cut a long story short, the magistrate got up from the Bench (presumably to enforce his bail order), stepped out of the courtroom, and the next thing he knew "[he] felt all manner of blows over [his] body", many thanks to the re-arresting police officers. [Not excusing the action of the police officers, but someone ought to have informed the hapless magistrate that his authority/sanctity does not extend outside his hallowed courtroom/chambers].

Since that ordeal, the poor man has now opened up to say "now if I want to sleep at night, my heart would be throbbing. Whether it is broken I don't know...".

Broken! Broken!!!

ROFLMHO

Paternal Responsibility

This post has been a long time coming. I had written a first draft almost two years ago, but lost my train of thought somewhere along the way. It was titled 'single mothers' then. An email I received this morning brought it back and has made the writing easier.


I know a single mom, ... no, make that two of them, … pardon me, I've actually lost count!!! And anyone reading this most probably has a sister, cousin, neighbour, friend, friend of a friend who is in this unfortunate position. Being a single mom is not a crime even though it is as close as it gets in 2009 Nigeria. Would you believe it?!!! Our rigid adherence or obeisance to antiquated cultures and traditions is actually infringing on our compassion.

The question is this: should a mistake (as is the case when a pregnancy is unplanned) define and shape a girl’s life and that of her illegitimate child, for the rest of their natural lives? And this while her partner in crime (after all it takes two to tango) goes scot free? The punishment for single moms is myriad: diminished prospects of having a good marriage, financial difficulty in caring for herself and her child, loneliness, not to talk of the life long social stigma, etc.

I make bold to accuse our laws and lawmakers of complicity in this mess. Why on earth have our laws not been modified to accommodate single moms? There is nothing in any of our laws or procedures that compels a man to be responsible for his child born outside of wedlock. To make it worse, not even one of our female legislators has thought to sponsor a bill addressing this issue. When they are not busy sponsoring a nudity bill to regulate the length of female skirts and sleeves etc, they are probably busy being women i.e. casting aspersion on the single mom; so maybe it is asking too much to expect them to do anything about it.


You see in most cases, it is the woman who reviles against the single mom, and looks at her as somehow being a lesser human. It is the woman who would ask if her son is sure that the child his girlfriend of three years is carrying is his- "after all how are you so sure you are the only one she has been seeing"? It is the woman that will insist that her darling son cannot marry a woman who already has a child by another man - she would rather her prince charming marry a girl with less obvious failings.


It is not too late for our female legislators to get their act together and legislate a solution to his problem. While you cannot legislate and compel a man to marry the woman carrying his child, we can at least compel the man to be financially responsible for his child; after all he is the one that will adorn his flowing agbada and attend all the milestone events in the child’s life in the later years.

Which brings me to the email I received this morning: A former classmate of mine is researching a project on the feasibility of introducing a legislative bill on "responsible paternity" in her country. The bill would require men who do not voluntarily register themselves as fathers on their children's birth certificates to undergo a compulsory DNA test. If the result is positive they (i) must grant use of their surname, (ii) contribute to the cost of pregnancy and birth, and (iii) contribute to the livelihood of their child(ren). The purpose of the bill is to strengthen the protection of children and to encourage mothers and fathers to share in the upbringing of their children.


Apparently, such a law already exists in Costa Rica. And Nigeria needs it sooo badly. Somebody ..., anybody..., do something!!!


Perhaps the next time a female legislator is in search of a cause to make her own, she might divert her mind to this. If not for the single mom who after all deserves every horrible thing that can happen to her for her brazenness, stupidity, immorality…., do it for the child who had no hand in the circumstances of its birth.