I like the Rain, I like it not, I like ...

I am starting to think I might have to reappraise my love for the rainy season. The period from May to September is usually the best weather time in Nigeria- that is for me anyway. You see, I don’t react well to heat. There is something about the still, humid, sweaty, Lagos perennial summers (October- April) that just ….arrrgghhh. So, I love the rains. Until today that is (I might actually still have romantic inclinations toward the rains but I need to get over myself today first).

I have learnt a couple of lessons today; one of which is stubbornness and rain somehow don’t mix. And so I got up this morning to go to work. The first indication that something could go wrong was last night- everywhere was flooded and I didn’t make it home until about 11.30pm. The second indication that something could still go wrong was this morning- it was raining cats and dogs, monkey and gorillas. The third indication that something was definitely going to go wrong was … (I forget…) So I got in my car and braved whatever was waiting for me out there. I could take anything on: I am THE babeandahalf after all. Errr…not… The rains, my car, the fates, George Bush (I’ve got to blame it on something… or someone) conspired against me; I found myself literally up shit creek without a paddle or a bathing suit; and to make it worse I can’t even swim.

I won’t bore you with how I got myself out of the mess I got myself into, but it involved me inconveniencing the men in my life- all 3 of them. When I have come to a final conclusion on my feelings about the rains, you’ll be the first to hear. In the meantime, place your bets …

Imitation as Flattery

Fact Pattern:
1 KC Presh is made up of two young men, Kingsley and Precious, who won the maiden edition of Star Quest. Star Quest is a talent hunt show sponsored by Nigerian Breweries Plc.

2 OJB Jezreel (hereinafter known as “OJB”) - a producer. Think P. Diddy, Timbaland … (you are on the right track if you are thinking along the lines of those producers that show up in every video in which their Midas touch can be felt).

3 “Segemenge”- the new single by KC Presh and produced by OJB, I suspect (since he was in the video), with cameo appearances by Tony Tetuila and a host of other guys who, forgive me, I cannot recognise or put a name to for that matter.

Issues Arising:
1 Snoop Doggy Dog better not hear the song or watch the video. He might not drop the implicit copyright infringement action like it’s hot.

2 ‘Bitches’. Aha! Herein lies the real kvetch. I heard a line in the rap that went something like ‘bitches’ going after his ‘riches’. I found it tasteless. Surely there are other words that rhyme with riches, e.g. ‘leaches’, ‘fishes’; even ‘witches’ could have fit the bill and might not be quite as offensive. Please we are Africans; must we copy everything about these Americans? They do not have a patent on the right way you know? Just look at Iraq! And at this point in history when the world in general is putting up a fight against discrimination in all forms against women (remember the ‘nappy headed hos’ furor?), is when we Africans have decided to abandon our own decency- I shake my head in Yoruba.

Conclusion:
1 Words have the meaning ascribed to them- ‘bitches’ does not always have the literal meaning.

2 I am boycotting the video. It’s my personal rebellion. Nobody will notice and even if they do, no one will probably care. Whatever…

3 This thing should be nipped in the bud, lest it catches on.